Apple Cider: The Drink That’s Better Than Pumpkin Spice
By Patrick Davison
Out of all the seasons, Summer is objectively the worst. Between the unbearable heat, boundless humidity, and, I shudder to even think about them, the bugs. You might not have classes, but you still have to deal with summer. Spring has some redeemable qualities, but it’s too wet. The mud, the rain, nothing amazing, and allergies are back. This leaves just two seasons in a toss up: Fall and Winter. This is a personal preference, but I prefer Winter; long nights, snow, hot cocoa, driving around to see the Christmas lights, and age old traditions with family and friends. The wet is obnoxious, but at the very least there are enough buildings on campus being superheated to oven-level temperatures that you can dry off in. That still leaves one season.
Autumn is officially back, as of September 22, meaning we can once again settle in for brisk winds, earlier sunsets, and quite possibly some of the worst apparel, drinks, and traditions of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I love sweater weather as much as the next guy. But, when I look out from the third floor of Main Hall and see a veritable sea of flannel, jeans, and mid-calf boots, I can’t help but shake my head. There is nothing wrong with this, I’ve been known to enjoy a good flannel myself. However, there comes a limit to how many beanie-wearing, beard-sporting, thick black-rim glasses owning guys you can see before you can’t help but fall out of love with fall.
The vast majority of fall holidays are awful. They may have once been good, but the overreaching arms of corporate America has commercialized them to the point of sacrilege. Thanksgiving, once a day of giving thanks for our blessings, has turned into a pregame for the myriad of sales on Black Friday (not to mention the corporate show-of-force that is the Macy’s Day Parade). Halloween is the one holiday that has largely remained the same, but all of this pales in comparison to the truly awful addiction of Millennial adults.
Now, dear reader, I am about to make many enemies, namely my colleague Derek and his article about the joys of fall, but I believe the cause is worth it. There is no hill I’d rather die on than this one, as I believe that almost any drink is superior to this one; pumpkin spice. The only people who drink pumpkin beverages unironically are the Brits and, quite honestly, nobody should want to be like them. Us true Americans know 1776 happened for a reason. What we call pumpkin spice today is what used to be known as pumpkin pie seasoning. It consists of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and usually also ginger. It is often used to spice pumpkin dishes; traditionally pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin. It is a classic seasoning, introduced by McCormick (today’s Dutch East India Company) in 1934. When used properly, the seasoning can be amazing. It brings out the natural sweetness of pumpkins, essentially turning pumpkins into dessert. Unfortunately, in the last 20 years, copious amounts of sugar has been added to the spice’s ingredient list, turning the original pumpkin flavoring into a latte.
There is no denying the cultural impact that PSLs (pumpkin spice lattes) had on the Millennial Generation. But, if you partake in PSL, you would only be drinking a spice mix, espresso, sugar, and milk; gross. There wasn’t even pumpkin in Starbuck’s PSL when it was introduced, at least not until 2015 when pumpkin purée was officially added to the ingredient list. Which means you’ve been drinking fake pumpkin… nice. But now, you can drink puréed gourd with milk and spices. If you think it is tasty, that’s okay. You’re entitled to your opinion, even though it is wrong.
All in all, pumpkin spice used to be good. Now, this tear down of pumpkin spice might seem biased, like I might just have a vendetta against Starbucks and the consumerist nature of elitist America. While that may be correct, I’d like to offer one counterpoint; Apple Cider.
Apple cider has been a drink of choice for thousands of years. Back when clean water was not so readily available, apple cider was being made. Being around much longer than PSLs, apple cider will always be the superior fall drink. Instead of supporting Starbucks, support your local orchards by getting apple cider through them. Not only can it be found locally, it can be served cold or warm; fitting for the changing temperatures of fall.
Unlike PSL, apple cider will always have your back. In the cold fall mornings, and the warm fall afternoons, apple cider will always be there for you (and not give you a stomach ache like a PSL would). Which is why PSLs are inferior, along with the whole fall season.
Pumpkin Spice, The (Second) Best Fall Beverage was originally published in The Herald on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.